?

Log in

shadysun

Recent Entries

You are viewing the most recent 10 entries

May 18th, 2004

10:43 pm: I think i temporarily forgot about this thing. Thats my bad.

Yeah, I havent posted since the 6th of May.  I guess I got a lot of updating to do.  Hummm....Well, we will start with Brocks suprise party.  Im so excited it worked out.  I just love that kid so much and Im glad we gave him a good birthday!  I got him the GTA double pack but of course his mom is making him take it back.  I swear to god!  Oh well, as long as he still gets something he wants.  Hum, me and Blayke are still doing real good.  It will be 3 weeks tomorrow.  I love him so much!  On saturday we were in the car and he goes, "you know what?  I love you!  I dont tell you it enough and I should.  I love you."  I was like "Aww...I love you too!"  Isnt he like the sweetest guy in the world!  I could spend every minute of everyday with him and never get bored.  We have so much fun when we are together!  No guys, more than just the hot stuff.  We could just be laying on his trampoline or down at the dam staring at the stars and I would be perfectly content.  Which we have done and its the best thing in the world, laying with the person you love holding you knowing they love you too.  I am so happy with him and I think you can all tell that.  I am so much better than I used to be.  I was worried about myself for a while there but since I've been with him I have been nothing but happy!  Ok, as of May 12th I am 16 years old and have a driver's lisence and a car!  How freakin cool is that?  On my birthday I walked outside and Larry pulled up in MY car.  A '93 Nissan Maxima in MINT condition.  It's pearl white, I lovethat color.  It is kinda old but it is so nice.  I love it!  I am planning on putting in a killer system and gettting a body kit and pink ghost flames and pink ground effect lights.  Its gonna be the shitznit once I get my job to pay for all that.  Oh yeah,  Im excited!  As far as school goes, my grades are real bad but I dont even really care.  I just want to pass so I get credit and get the hell out!  I swear, SCHOOL IS HELL.  I dont know about you people but I know my life would be FAR less complicated if we didnt have it or at least not as much, not as often, and not as hard.  It's total bullshit.  Sorry, I just had a sudden outburst of hatred.  I suppose thats all I got for now.  I love you all like crazy and dont forget it!

I Love Blayke!  



Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: because you loved me- celine dion

May 6th, 2004

05:34 pm: Ahhhh...Im so hyper!
I really dont have the attention span to make this that long....actually I really dont have much to say except for I love secrets...hehe...
I love you all like a monkey loves bananas!


Current Mood: hyperhyper
Current Music: Roses- Outkast

May 5th, 2004

01:10 am: Awwww!!!!

I'm going to

have a niece!



Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Burn- Usher
12:58 am: I am really sad and really happy at the same time.

I am so happy about me and Blayke.  I have wanted to be with him for so long and now we are together and its so great.  But there is a downfall to this.  Whenever anyone gets a boyfriend/girlfriend they have trouble balancing them with their friends.  I definitly understand this.  I love spending time with Blayke and and yes ashley, I wouldnt mind being with him 24/7 but thats to be expected,  I love him.  I know I talk about him A LOT but Im so in love with him.  Thats what happens when you fall in love...your brain is like taken over by that person and they are all you can think about and so obviously they are all you can talk about.  I cant help it.  Its like I love my friends to death and I want to spend time with them but now I also have Blayke in my life in a different way than before.  When we were just friends we could all hang out and no one wouldhave a problem with it but now that we are together some people think it is so much different.  It really isnt because me and Blayke are still best friends, but now there are different feelings and responsibilities than before.  As his girlfriend of course Im gonna be spending a lot of time with him...thats just part of it and now that we are together there is the physical relationship factor.  I know its different but not so much.  I dont want to make it seem like Im dropping my friends bc Im not its just that I cant spend as much time with them as I usually would.  #1. I dont see why my friends and Blayke cant be with me at the same time  #2. Its not like I dont want to spend time with my friends  #3. Yes there will be time where me and Blayke want to be alone but for the most part we are just chillin anyways so why couldnt other peeps chill with us?  I dont know what to do.  I mean I am real behind in school and I hate my home life and its sucks that my life is so full of obligations that I cant have the time to do what I really want to be doing with my time which is spending time with my friends and my boyfriend.  We are in school all week and then on the weekends we only have 2 days...I cant be everywhere at the same time.  Me and Blayke have only been going out a week so I cant see how anyone could say that I have been neglecting my friends.  Even since me and Blayke have been getting close I have actually spent every other weekend with him and then my friends.  With the exception of last weekend where Ash and Blayke were over.  Now I dont see what was wrong with that...we all had fun.  But Ash seems to think she is losing me and I really dont see why.  I mean when I could have been like "no, I dont want you to come over bc I want to be with just Blayke" but I didnt bc I did want her to come over.  Also, Blayke invited me to go camping with him on memorial weekend but I told him I couldnt becuase Ashleys family reunion is always that weekend and I always go.  If I didnt still love her and want to spend time with her then why would I do that?  Also, we are supposed to be going to warped tour and blayke was all like..."why didnt you invite me?"  I told him that it was bc he didnt like that kind of music but really it was because that was something just me and ash were gonna do together.  So, I really am trying but I feel like whatever I do isnt good enough.  I do wish that Ash could find someone she really liked bc then she could be happy with that person like I am with Blayke and we could all hang out together.  That would be cool.  But its not like that so I just dont know.  Well, everyone I am so tired and I need to finish mine and Blaykes CD. 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!



Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: I love this bar- Toby Keith

May 3rd, 2004

04:38 pm: Honestly with the mondays....

Yup today is monday and that means everyone is either tired as all hell or fucked up.  Whats with that anyways?  Cant any of us go to school awake and sober?  Yeah, anyways...Today was alright though. Nothing intersesting happened except for me finding out that Brock thinks Im cute.  Lol...thats funny because how we used to be best freinds and then what happened happened.  He said Im like his best friend though. Im glad he still cares about me a lot.  I still really care about him.  Brit, I am totally understanding how you feel about logan...its the same way I feel about Blayke.  I keep thinking why does he want to be with me?  I know he wouldnt be if he didnt really care about me but I am just insecure bc I know a lot of girls like him and he flirts a lot.  Im not complaining tho bc I know I have him and they dont.  Hehe...I sound so possesive.  To tell you the truth I am very possesive.  I dont know why but I definitly cant help it.  I found out something interesting that makes me smile but I cant tell anyone but I already told one person but only because it involved them.  Oh, I also found out that it took Blayke like a month to fo reals kiss Shelia...it only took him 3 days with me. MUAH HA!   I also did something for him no other girl has been able to do...at least not as so good! ;) Some of you know what Im talkin about.  LOL!  I got nothing else so laters. 

I love you all like michael jackson loves little boys!!!



Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Take my breath away- Berlin
02:46 am: Thats my bad...I forgot to attach the lyrics.
I’m going out of my mind these days
Like I’m walking ‘round in a haze
I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate
And I need a shave

I go to work and I look tired
The boss man says son you’re gonna get fired
This ain’t your style
And behind my coffee cup
I just smile

What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in
Spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
‘Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful, what a beautiful mess I’m in

This morning put salt in my coffee
I put my shoes on the wrong feet
Losing my mind I swear
You might be the death of me
But I don’t care

What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in
Spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
‘Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful, what a beautiful mess I’m in

Is it your eyes, is it your smile
All I know is that you’re driving me wild

What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in
Spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
‘Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful, what a beautiful mess I’m in

What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in
Spending all my time with you
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
‘Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful, what a beautiful mess I’m in

02:42 am: Beautiful Mess by Diamond Rio
Blayke said when we went throught that thing a while back when we werent talkin he heard this song and thought "Damn, I really fucked things up with the girl I really want be with, shes not even talkin to me.  How can I ever live with the fact I fucked up what could have been so great?".  Its so cute, just read the lyrics.  Awww.... :)

Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: Beautiful Mess-Diamond Rio
12:33 am: Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! I havent posted in forever!

Sorry its been so long peeps but I've been crazy busy and tired.  I think I'll go ahead and start with last wednesday.  April 28th.  This date is important because it is mine and Blaykes anniversary.  Yes, I said mine and Blaykes anniversary.  He asked me if I wanted to give "us" a second chance and of course I said yes. :) I am SOOO happy!  He is everything I want.  Its crazy how one person can actually change how you see life.  On a much lower note...That same day I came home and of course was wikid happy and me but my stepdad ended up getting into a fight which turned into him yelling at my mom and making her cry which made me cry and then he ended up leaving.  I dont know where he went but he wasnt home til the next morning.  Anyways, On thursday I spent the night with Ashley because I didnt want to go home plus I just wanted to chill with mis amiga!  We had fun and then skipped school friday and her mom took us to the mall.  That was fun!  I spent nearly 100 bucks on practically nothing.  I got some cool stuff though.  Then we got back and my mom took me to pick up Blayke from school and we went to Levis party.  It was lame but SOME PEOPLE had fun.  LOL!!  Anywho, I had asked my mom if Blayke could spend the night and she totally said yes.  How cool is that?  Of couse she doesnt know that we are together.  Definitly not.  I need to tell her but I dont know how and I want Blayke to be able to stay with me again and whatnot.  I dont know what to do.  I want her to know that we are together but I dont want that to change her letting me be alone with him.  That night we were both real tired and we didnt really do anything.  We just layed there and he held me and I loved every second of it.  We woke up and I fixed him breakfast.  He was helping me and he says, "See, I could definitly see us doing this everyday...being married and waking up and fixing breakfast together..."  How freakin adorable is that?!?  We watched some movies and wrestled a bit(that was pretty hotand then we were on the net doing his report and we told ash to come over.  I asked my mom if Blayke could stay again and she said yes...I know you are all probably thinking shes on crack but hey, works for me.  We jacked around on the computer a little while and then we went to watch some movies and things got a little hot between me and Blayke ...and I can hardly say the word little in relation to anything having to do with him bc it definitly isnt! LOL!  Sorry, I had an outburst.  Anyways, because ash was there it didnt get too hot but he did get to sleep in the same room but on my futon.  We stayed up till like 6:30 in the morning.  Today we woke up and ate breakfast and my mom told me everyone had to leave before larry gets home from work...because he hates me and wants me to be miserable.  I added that last part but it is definitly true.  I talked her into letting blayke stay til dinner but ash had to go home. We finished his report and then went into my room and watched another movie that we had missed when we were wresting the day before.  Well, we watched even less of it this time... ;) Things got REAL hot!  We'll just leave it at that.  But I have something to be proud of and if any of you want to know ask me but I dont want to give TMI out on this public jounal.  We ate dinner and then started making a cd and then his mom came to get him.  That was like at 8:45.  We spent the entire weekend together and we loved every moment of it.  We were never bored or anything.  Its so cool how well we get along, I think we actually could get married one day and be wikid happy.  Well, that is  a bit long term but you never know.  Lol.  Well everyone, I am so tired that I think I am gonna pass out here while I type so I better let yall go. 

Love love love love love! (bruce almighty) 



Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Beautiful Mess-Diamond Rio(another one he dedicated to me)

April 26th, 2004

04:50 pm: Mondays are like the loser that wont stop talkin 2 u when all you wanna do is hang w/ the cool kids!

Did you like my analogy? I think its about right. You always want them to go away and they never get the hint. Lol! Well, today was another monday and I was tired all hell as usual. I slept in all of my classes almost...even choir. Now thats hard to do, sleep in choir.  Speaking of choir, when I was sitting in there I say sean and he stopped and smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back. I wanted to leave class and go talk to him but mrs. hope was teaching class. I didnt see him any of the rest of the day. It pissed me off bc I still havent been able to give him my number. I think Im gonna tell Blayke to give it to him. Do you think that would be mean? I dont ever see him and I want to get to know him better!  And I wouldnt mind kissing him again either!!  : )  Im so happy for Brit and Logan...they are adorable! I want to be adorable with someone! lol. I still really like Blayke....damnit. I cant help it. Ash is being really cool about being around Blayke and Im glad bc I hated that animosity.  Well, I dont suppose anything cool happened today so I'll let yall go. Im gonna see if I can find some hot pockets(brit). Lol!

I love you all more than my cousins uncles left pinky toes hair!!



Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: AFI- This secret Ninja
12:54 am: This weekend was more fun than smokin' crack(chapelle)!

Holy balls! I had such a good time on friday!  Something I didnt write earlier was that the coolest thing happened.  Me and Brock were able to talk and joke about what happened between us.  It felt so much better to be able to do this than how it has been.  He used to be so sensitive about it that we couldnt even be around eachother.  I am pretty certain that that is going to be different from now on.  It felt like the old days and it was one of the best feelings in the world.  I love him so much and I missed him like crazy!  Then I spent the rest of the weekend chillin with mis amigas.  It was so awesome!  Saturday me, ash and brit woke up and watched Duplex and School of Rock(freakin hilarious).  Ash had to go home and then me and brit soent the rest of the day in our Pjs on the net.  Then Megan came to join our fun.  I havent seen her in so long and it was so cool.  I love her, shes such a sweetheart!  We watched chappelle's show and danced around my house like idiots and played our air guitars in our air band.  Anywho, then this morning we woke up and ash came back over and we played video games and ate breakfast.  Then megan went home and me, brit, and ash went to weatherford to go shopping and we had mexicanday!  Brrit almost killed us on the way there but thats ok, we still love her.  These crazy mexicans were all staring us down and followed us to Taco bell.  Ewww!!!  We came back and everyone went home.  My brother was here when we got back and I got to see him and Kelley for a while, I miss them a lot.  Earlier this week my grandmother had called me and invited me to come eat with buba and keeley at her house this afternoon and I said ok but my brother informed me that my father would be there...my grandmother neglected to tell me this.  I was like well, fuck that then!  So, I stayed home and called Blayke because I hadn't barely talked to him all weekend because I was with everyone else.  We talked from like 5-12...long as always.  I am so confused about what I want with him.  I thought I wanted to just be friends but I cant help how I feel about him.  Even though I know it seems like the smart thing to do I cant help wanting him to just grab me and kiss me.  This is not how you think of friends.  So I dont know.  I told him that I was just going to let what ever happens between us happen.  I cant control emotions.  Whatever it to become of us will be left up to fate bc she knows more than I do.  I think maybe if me and Sean hook up then I could get my mind off him.  I dont even know about that either though because I barely know the kid.  Ash says he kisses a lot of people.  She says she has seen him.  Blayke said he didnt and that she must have seen him kissing one of his former girlfriends.  Blayke is friends with him but hasnt been as close with him the last few weeks so I am not sure about it all.  Amanda has kissed him before and she has never gone out with him.  Blayke said he talked to him about me and was like "you like her, dont you?" and that kind of thing.  He said "Yeah". : )  He also told him that if he wasnt such a good friend of his that he would have to kick his ass.  What with that little threat?  Ponder... And I know Blayke still likes me but if he was trying to make me still like him then why would he be teling me good things about sean?  I suppose I'll just let it happen or not.  Im not gonna trip over it at all.  Well everyone I am tired all hell from all of my fun this weekend so I better to sleep.  Fer shizzle!  Hasta luego mis hombres! 

I Luff you!!



Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Last train home- Lost Prophets
Powered by LiveJournal.com